Todd Sawyer: Sweeping You Off Your Feet

Men, does your sex life at home suck?
It’s time you learned how to use a vacuum cleaner.
This does not mean you should use Mr. Hoover’s invention in the traditional kinky manner, but in the new post-feminist awareness sense. It seems that by simply powering up the vacuum, dusting a few spots, or even mopping the kitchen floor, you can sweep your partner into the bedroom. If you get the kids asleep in the nursery first, your chances are even better.
A new report by the Council on Contemporary Families concludes that as more women work full-time jobs, more men are beginning to realize that 15 minutes of dusting is cheaper than 15 minutes with a divorce attorney. In the most startling finding since another study found that beautiful people are more successful at job interviews, the study determined that men are frequently rewarded for their increased domestic duties by a happier sex life.
If by now you are reading four-letter, mono-syllabic words into the report that are not in the original transcript, it is my hope that you are not in Pasadena, California. That Los Angeles suburb has declared itself a “cuss-free zone” as the result of a campaign by a 14-year-old leader of a junior high “no-cussing” club. Perhaps the $%#@$ little pervert needs to redirect his #$% time to more important issues. Is that dust I see on that proclamation?
Of course this blog never judges anyone. We leave that to folks like Todd Sawyer who brings his issues to the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club for two shows Friday and Saturday evening at 8 pm and 10:30 pm. Todd will sweep you off your feet, dust the seriousness from your frown lines and then tell you to make your bed and lie in it. Go, see him. Especially when he is performing this far from the Pasadena city limits.