Heneghen: Oppressed and Laughing At It

A former candidate for vice president, Geraldine Ferraro (D-Bucket of Spit), has finally revealed the existence of a Black Illuminati that controls the power structure of the United States. “If Barrack Obama was not black, he would not be in the position he is in today,” Ferraro told a California newspaper.
In the un-redacted version of her interview with the Torrance, Calif., Daily Breeze, Ferraro notes that a “jive version” of Yale University’s noted Skull & Bones exists offshore on the Cayman Islands. This group controls history books, government regulators and cocktail party conversations to make sure that America gets a distorted view of so-called “black oppression.” The group began at the first Constitutional Convention in the 18th Century where dyslexics were responsible for incorrectly counting blacks as “3/5th humans.” Rather than correct the error to “5/3 human” the founding fathers figured this would be a good way to keep hidden the natural advantage black Americans are given. “White Americans might get upset if they knew how far down the food chain they were,” a founding father noted.
Black American males especially were known for their sexual prowess, and Southern women would literally bid for their attention. “White women would bid thousands of 19th Century dollars for the services of a black man, and sometimes black men in return would demand that the white women pay room and board for their entire families,” one historian recalled.
Sleeping with homely white women seemed like slavery to the powerful black men. They formed an underground railroad, that would give them breaks with prettier women in LA, before going back to collect their wages of sins. Ultimately, black men could no longer live with white women, so they fought a civil war for emancipation. For a century afterwards, the otherwise unoccupied tongues of white women were forced into denigration of their black lovers on an increasingly popular Web site known only as JimCrow.com.
This weekend, enjoy revisionist history at its finest as the one and only Heneghen takes the microphone stand for a weekend of hilarity at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. Jim Heneghen will beguile you with his stories about growing up as an oppressed white man in a world run by the unshaven Illuminati. Be there at 8 pm Thursday, and 8 and 10:30 pm Friday and Saturday.