Open Mic with Derek Sheen: Treatment for Your Tricks

Seattle’s Better Business Bureau has come down heavily on a local escort who cheated a male customer in search of “fun.” The BBB will fine the escort $50 for failing to live up to her contract, and will enter the complaint on the escort’s “permanent record” at the bureau. "There are mitigating circumstances in the public record, " a BBB spokesman says," the escort expressed open concern for the practice of safe sex prior to fleeing the premises in search of a condom."
The traditionally quiet transaction became part of the public record when it was reported in a local daily newspaper.
The man reportedly paid the escort $170 for services prior to the delivery of said services, according to the BBB. The customer discovered an advertisement for the services in the Stranger, a reputable newspaper that takes pride in its services to Seattle readers in search of “fun.” The Stranger’s publishers say the newspaper is immensely distressed by the failure of harmonic convergence between the escort and her awaiting client. “We at the Stranger are particularly invested in the accuracy of our advertisements,” a spokesman says. “We have yet to publish an imprecise telephone number or for that matter any indication that an escort service might engage in phony ‘tricks.’ ”
The BBB says the escort service in question will have to publish a public warning notice that "not all transactions may be consumated."
Meanwhile, Illinois Senator Barrack Obama is reportedly seriously considering Iowa Republican Congressman Steve King as his running mate in the general election. The extreme right-wing King might balance the Democratic ticket against Sen. John McCain, Senator Obama’s advisors say. While there is some thought that King might decline Obama’s invitation — especially after noting that “Islamic extremists might dance in the streets upon Senator Obama’s election — political insiders say the jackbooted fearmonger might be flattered into accepting. Some observers, however, prescribe another motive to the rumors. Floating the possibility of a three-term supporter of waterboarding, unhealthy children, and cockfighting as his running mate, might turn some voters in Iowa’s Fifth District to reconsider the Congressman’s sanity. It might work better than locating the number of Mr. King’s personal escort service.
If you’ve experienced setbacks in your life — perhaps something more than being ripped off by an escort service — you can turn those negatives into positives on the comedy stage. Audiences love finding out that there are people living more miserable lives than their own. Take a chance any Tuesday at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. The fabulous Derek Sheen will guide you through those initial scary moments. Go ahead and laugh. There are worse things than being ripped off by an escort service. You might find yourself being Vice President of the United States.