Open Mic: You'll Thank Us Later

Black America has been awakened by the call by Patrick Buchanan to make Senator Barrack Obama’s discussion a two-way street. “America has been the best country on earth for black folks.” Buchanan writes. “It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known.”
From housing projects in Chicago to stock brokers on Wall Street Black America drew collective “Hosanna” at Buchanan’s words. “It was Whitey who drove us to masochism,” one Greenwich Village black poet paraphrased Comedian WC Fields, “and we never had a chance to thank him.”
The owner of a Kansas City barbeque noted that there is no record of blacks ever tipping the wait staff on the cruise ships that transported Black Africans to ports of call ranging from Jamaica to Boston. “What can I say, most of us were cheapskates,” the restaurant owner said. “Perhaps we should collectively contribute to scholarships for privileged Ivy League students.”
Meanwhile, leadership in the Native American populations says they are grateful to the European invaders who laid the foundation for their community’s current casino-related wealth. “Perhaps we should pay reparations for the costs of all the White Man’s bullets fired into our ancestors,” a Native American said near the Dick Cheney mansion in Wyoming. In a related development the Independent Order of B'nai B'rith announced a fund raiser to build an Adolf Hitler Memorial Museum at Berchtesgaden to honor the work of the German Chancellor who did so much to feed and house Jewish people during the Great Depression in Germany in the 30s.
Whatever your ethnic background — whether you are thankful or depressed — you can say thanks to an instant audience at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club every Tuesday. Derek Sheen leads the laughs starting at 7pm. Stand up, be counted, become a slave to comedy. You’ll thank us later.