Open Mic: Mariners Are Finally OK

In an unexpected move, all of the Seattle Mariners have been traded for the would-be Oklahoma Supersonics. Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels says he was able to convince owner Clay Bennett that the current Mariners share a distinct position with the Sonics — last place in their division. “Instead of a mere five starting players that Oklahoma gets with the Sonics,” Nickels says, “The Mariners come with a starting nine — giving them more bang for their bucks.”
Some local observers say it is the absence of bangs for the big bucks the Mariners have paid to players in the past several seasons that made them an attractive resource for outsourcing. City officials, however, say their Oklahoma travelers — or agents — merely convinced the local folks that the Mariners could do in the NBA what they have been unable to do in Major League baseball. “They seem to be able to win only in extensive heat, such as the heat we had in Seattle last weekend,” the mayor noted. “Seattle just don’t have that kind of climate, Oklahoma does. “
The departure of the Mariners from Safeco Field will finally provide the Sonics with a much larger arena and extensive luxury box facilities. In addition, Safeco Field has a retractable roof that will permit the Sonics to play throughout the basketball season — except when wintry windstorms blow through the Northwest and temperatures go well below freezing.
The Mariners, of course may feel a bit cramped playing in Ford Arena, in Oklahoma City, but the facility is still bigger than their Arizona spring training park. Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig remains uncertain about whether club owners will approve the shift of the Mariners to Oklahoma, but he says Oklahoma City could become a hitter’s park “where the wind comes sweeping down the plain.”
Do your jokes come sweeping down into plain? Rehearse them Tuesday evening at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club open mic. Or just watch other comedians do their best to give performance a whirl, and watch the best of the best give new material a try. There’s no cover charge for open mic, and it’s usually more satisfying than watching the Mariners.