Senator Hillary Clinton and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, announced plans for a hostile takeover of the declining Republican Party. “Our hostile takeover of the Democratic Party does not appear to be working, “Mrs. Clinton admitted to a passing pundit, “We believe the GOP has been devalued sufficiently among political observers that only a hostile takeover by our organization can save its historic significance. “
Market experts say the Republican party is so devalued that the Clintons may be able to pick up the pieces for less than the recent acquisition of Bear Stearns. The offer came less than 24 hours after Clinton’s massive victory among West Virginia’s conservative voting base while even more conservative voters in Mississippi rejected a Republican candidate for Congress for the third special election in a row. The Clintons promised that West Virginia — dozens of miles from the Washington Beltway — could become the focal point of a new generation of political thought. As Mrs. Clinton met with the current presumptive nominee of the existing GOP, Arizona Senator John McCain at her new West Virginia double-wide, she showed off a new toothless grin. “Welcome to an entirely new Right Wing Conspiracy,” she told reporters. “the Republican Party under my leadership will truly be “almost Heaven.” My husband and I will erect an even bigger tent — an erection that would put even Barrack Obama to shame. “
The Senator hinted to McCain that she would be happy to accept the nomination of the new GOP as McCain’s running mate. She even agreed to call McCain every morning at 3 AM and let him know if his bearings were in working order. If she found them inoperative, she noted, that as Vice President she would know what to do. “I can’t imagine a better future for Senator McCain’s beautiful bearings than to have them rubbed every morning by Senator Clinton,” says Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.
Comedian Chris Porter remains too young to lose his bearings. This weekend he will take you on a guided tour of his life that has taken him from the mean streets of Kansas City to “Last Comic Standing’s Live at Gotham,” that airs this summer. In the course of the trip, that begins Wednesday at 8 pm at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. The laughs continue Thursday at 8pm, and again Friday and Saturday evening at 8 and 10 pm, you’re guaranteed to break all your funny bones. You have been warned.
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