The proposed tax for picking up bags at Seattle grocery stores is entirely unfair! We, the old bags of Seattle, object to this misogynistic approach to global cooling. Firsts of all, I don’t think the term “old bags” is very nice. Just because I haven’t had a date in 20 years, my face is wrinkled, and I hang out around the “Depends” aisle, doesn’t make me an old bag!
I used to be beautiful! I used to be brilliant, in fact, I have a college degree, and I read everything from Schopenhauer to Erma Bombeck. I love animals and children — not to mention rainbows and unicorns. I am not a prude, I will even watch football on TV and visit strip clubs in Portland.
So, just because I also have dark side that begins with my taste in chocolate, and ends with my thought that every man should have their pubic hairs ripped out one by one while having knitting needles poked into his tender areas — just because I think all men are dirt — I should have my match.com membership revoked?
So I’ve put on a few hundred pounds and I haven’t seen a dentist since I was in college. Does that give the city the right to put a tax on my head? I resent the label old bag!
What’s that? OH! The bag tax in Seattle is on PLASTIC or PAPER bags?
Never mind.
Whether you pick paper or plastic in your love life, you must see Kermet Apio this weekend at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. Kermet will send you into laughter without taxing your sensitivity. See him Thursday evening at 8 pm, and 8pm and 10:30 pm Friday and Saturday. You’ll be glad you came — even if you have to put a bag over your head.
No comments:
Post a Comment