Brian Malow: Sparing Euros for US Congress

Once again, Congress has sensed the will of the American people. As the US economy continues to fall apart, and the American dollar sinks to new record lows, Congress is preparing to take bold steps. With the summer tourist season ahead, Americans traveling to Canada and Europe face some startling economic realities. The US dollar that once was as sound as — well — a dollar, is now the toilet paper for the rest of the world.
Outgoing Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig says Congress must take a wide stance on protecting the American lawmaker. As a result, Craig introduced a bill that would pay members of Congress in Euros, instead of dollars. He says Americans don´t want their Congressmen to suffer when they go on discovery tours around the world. "I was in an Amsterdam toiletten recently, tapped three times and showed a $100 bill, and the guy in the next stall thought I was tapped out," Craig says.
Louisianna Senator David Vitter, a fellow Republican co-sponsored the Craig bill, noting that the price of ladies in the evening is out of control "even in the Paris suburbs!"
Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert, chimed into the debate from a remote location inside a Heidelberg biergarten. "Sauerbraten? Hell, you can´t even get a decent fleish-kässe for less than $10 bucks American!"
A special delegation from the Republican Congressianal Caucus will travel through the European Community in the next month and report back to the Congress after being checked for STDs.
If you like your science with a cup of funny, don´t miss the hillarious Brian Malow at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club this weekend. Malow is an unusual sort of comedian, he can be just as funny standing on the stage at the National Academy of Sciences as with an audience of drunken Germans who believe fleish-kässe is a gift from God. See him Friday and Saturday night for two shows beginning at 8 pm and 10:30 pm. Best of all, the Mainstage will still accept your US dollar for now...