Geno Bisconte: A Grand Old Twin Cities Party

Seattle residents are apparently blessed that the city did not pursue the Republican National Convention this year. While the twin cities of Minnesota cheer the financial rewards of hosting 45,000 people that will cheer America’s progress under GOP rule as they sit at outdoor café’s where a major highway bridge collapsed a year before, ordinary residents may face more discomfort than Idaho Senator Larry Craig did at the local airport.
Although the convention is still some 90 days away, Minneapolis vegans are already being infiltrated by the FBI for any signs that they might throw rotten eggs, interrupt a steak dinner, or impugn the reputation of America’s dairy producers. At least that’s what local law enforcement wants them to believe is the reason for their search for informants to creep into the infidel’s pot-luck dinners.
In the meantime, draconian restrictions on mass protests have been imposed by local authorities to make sure that those who believe Saddam Hussein personally led the September 11 attacks are not discouraged by local unpleasantness. Protestors must register six months before the start of the convention under rules demanded by GOP officials. This means that protests can begin immediately after Election Day.
Still, there is one bit of good news for both residents and those attending the convention. Minnesota’s legislators have approved plans to keep bars open two extra hours for the duration in case anyone is driven to drink by the GOP gathering. If you’re a Republican in a Twin Cities bar at 3 AM, expect a phone call from Hillary.
Geno Bisconte is a serious comedian, who you won’t find in a bar at 3 AM unless there are laughs to be had. Bisconte serves up a full menu of jokes, pratfalls and zingers all weekend at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club. Join him at 8 pm and 10:30 pm Friday and Saturday night. Be sure to register with security if you are a vegan.

Geno Bisconte: Flush With Excitement

International space travel is a moving experience. It is a billion dollar enterprise of technology, courage, and rudimentary plumbing boldly flushing where no man has flushed before.
Until now.
Astronauts living in the claustrophobic confines of the International Space Station report the most vexing problem in the history of the space time continuum. If a plumber is called to fix a toilet in the far reaches of outer space, where Mondays and Sundays can pass faster than a can of out-of-date chili, does he bill for weekend hours?
NASA’s Roto Rooter division is breathlessly awaiting the answer to this problem as astronauts and cosmonauts become increasingly P.O.’d by the absence of a working toilet in the space station. In a world of zero gravity, plumbing failures are never a minor obstruction. It doesn’t help that the failed toilet was built by Russian engineers who have been unable to find suitable relief for the station’s inhabitants.
Thus, the Shuttle Discovery is poised to eliminate more waste than a library of Bush administration tell-all books as it prepares to carefully plunge into the space station this weekend, one ballcock at a time. Of course, if NASA had any Vulcan logic or at least had a feminist thought, there would be more than one toilet on the space station.
But then, whoever said there was intelligent life on Earth?
If you have any misconceptions about intelligent life on this planet, Geno Bisconte will discount them. Be sure to join Geno this weekend at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club for shows at 8 pm Thursday, and 8pm and 10:30 Friday and Saturday. The Mainstage Comedy and Music Club has good, patriotic American toilets. Most of the time, they work.

Geno Bisconte: The Naked Truth

Until now, America had never talked about it.
It was one of those unkind things you never say in a political campaign, like how Senator Robert Kennedy’s 1968 California victory ended tragically. For many Americans it was a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside the perfect abs with which they once shared a desire to “have a beer.”
As the President of the United States shadowed his heir apparent away from a a sparsely attended, scheduled interlude at the Phoenix Convention Center, the media lights — powered by a former sage advisor — accentuated the moment. Fortunately, an adequate venue was quickly found at Sky Harbor Airport. The chief executive and his remaining faithful jammed into the men's room to watch an impromptu performance put on by the Republican Senator from Idaho. "I am glad someone in our party still has a wide stance," Mr. Bush said.
Still, even in this joyous moment, the truth was revealed for all the world to hear:
“The Emperor is wearing no clothes,” yelled out a veteran campaigner who had followed George W. Bush from Austin to Washington, DC. Scott McClellan, who had assured America that its investment in George W. Bush included only the highest quality fabric, was now pointing out the obvious. Mr. McClellan noted that the emperor he served had not even worn the basics. “If only, his vestments had included a lying sack of crap, I wouldn’t be this ashamed.”
Even the host Senator from Arizona, who had once been dressed to the hilt, had now been divested of his once non-gay apparel. His straight talk was just a memory as his mentor cast aside invisible cod pieces in his direction. “Friends,I feel fabulous,” McCain said in a high pitch voice, as he turned to the naked chief executive and noted “you light up my life.”
Geno Bisconte will do just about anything to make you smile. If it means criticizing your fashion sense, then so be it. Geno lights up the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club stage this weekend for five shows, at 8 pm Thursday and 8pm and 10:30 pm Friday and Saturday. Come, enjoy the end of the lusty month of May. But, please be sure you aren’t wrapped in the Emperor’s clothing.