Hillary Clinton continues her refusal to concede that Barrack Obama has more testosterone in his system. “I have the popular vote and the cajones!” Clinton vowed to a startled group of men in a Manhattan steam bath, Wednesday morning. “Besides, I am married to the first black President! Michelle Obama will never be able to say that!”
While most Democrats have accepted that Barrack Obama will be the party’s candidate this fall, Clinton continues to suggest that the party might have some regrets later on. “John McCain was seen coming out of a Toastmasters meeting just days ago,” Clinton campaign officials noted,” if he strengthens his oratorical skills, the fall campaign could be over…”
Senator Clinton let it be known that she is available to serve as a vice presidential nominee for whatever candidate wins her heart. She says she needs to win a job in Washington that will give her husband “something to do,” to make sure “he ain’t misbehaving…”
“I think John McCain and I share an experience of being tortured — he by the North Vietnamese, I by the pundits of the American Press,” Clinton declared. “It’s time that we can pay back that torture to this country.”
If you’re ready to pause from the torture of the current presidential campaign, perhaps you might want to have a moment of introspection with “The Greg Wilson.” Wilson appears for five shows this weekend at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club — 8 pm Thursday, and 8 pm and 10:30 pm Friday and Saturday. The Greg Wilson will not only demonstrate his “cajones” you’ll leave a better man — even if you came in as a woman.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Open Mic: The Night They Raided Comedy
As US Marshalls raided local strip clubs in a surprise Monday evening “racketeering” probe, other Marshalls privately raided Seattle comedy clubs in violation of a Bush administration signing statement outlawing anti-Bush jokes. “We like a good joke as much as anyone, a federal officer told reporters. “However, we don’t think it’s funny when folks misunderestimate the language capacity of our fearless leader.”
When asked what “proper” humor is, the US Attorney for Western Washington pointed to what he termed a “hilarious” statement by Vice President Cheney on in-breeding in West Virginia Monday evening. “It’s no wonder the Vice President has been headlining Republican events for decades,” the US Attorney noted.
Marshalls were apparently given false information in making their raids. That became apparent when they raided a local Pioneer Square comedy club that was rumored to have a Monday evening gathering of “enemy combatants” telling “unsuitable” jokes about the Bush family history. No comedians were found in the building closed for remodeling. That was not as embarrassing as the raid on a second club in Seattle where no comedy was found.
Marshalls say they have heard there is a third comedy club in Seattle where funny anti-Bush comedians are frequently given sanctuary. Sources say this third club serves up comedy open mics every Tuesday evening at 7 pm, and then quickly poses as a place where musicians can beat out tunes at 9 pm . The US Attorney says they have not yet pinpointed the location of this club across from Key Arena that is said to rhyme with “Rain Gauge.” If you are not a federal officer and are simply looking for a free form evening of music and comedy on a “mainstage” simply knock twice, buy a beverage, and say the secret password: “That’s Funny!”
When asked what “proper” humor is, the US Attorney for Western Washington pointed to what he termed a “hilarious” statement by Vice President Cheney on in-breeding in West Virginia Monday evening. “It’s no wonder the Vice President has been headlining Republican events for decades,” the US Attorney noted.
Marshalls were apparently given false information in making their raids. That became apparent when they raided a local Pioneer Square comedy club that was rumored to have a Monday evening gathering of “enemy combatants” telling “unsuitable” jokes about the Bush family history. No comedians were found in the building closed for remodeling. That was not as embarrassing as the raid on a second club in Seattle where no comedy was found.
Marshalls say they have heard there is a third comedy club in Seattle where funny anti-Bush comedians are frequently given sanctuary. Sources say this third club serves up comedy open mics every Tuesday evening at 7 pm, and then quickly poses as a place where musicians can beat out tunes at 9 pm . The US Attorney says they have not yet pinpointed the location of this club across from Key Arena that is said to rhyme with “Rain Gauge.” If you are not a federal officer and are simply looking for a free form evening of music and comedy on a “mainstage” simply knock twice, buy a beverage, and say the secret password: “That’s Funny!”
Monday, June 2, 2008
Open Mic: Mariners Need Public Displays of Affection
A week after a controversial kiss between two women became the most dramatic moment in this Seattle Mariners most lost season, the team is apologizing for chastising the two women involved. Consequently, by popular demand, the entire Mariners team will be replaced by a hot, young, softball team made up entirely of lesbians hitting better than most of the Mariners. “In the words of our management,” a Mariners spokesman said, “if the team can’t bunt, it’s time to go * [*word that rhymes with bunt].”
At the same time, the team will add a “Bobbleboob” night to its marketing ventures to draw both gay and straight fans to an evening of baseball to remember. Both lesbians and gay men will be invited to perform “public displays of affection” in the seats that are guaranteed to bring thousands of spectators that have never seen a “ball” game before. With the Mariners struggling in last place during a season when many predicted they would be fighting for their first-ever World Series, Mariners management is apparently ready to experiment with whatever will sell a ticket or a bottle of beer. “Given some of the decisions we’ve made in player personnel in the past few seasons,” Mariners President Howard Lincoln remarked, “we have to look at whatever we can do to increase our ERA (Earned Revenue Average).”
If a struggling baseball team is not your cup of tea, try a profile in courage in comedy or music. Every Tuesday evening a new face steps in front of the crowd at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club to pitch a new joke, or make a sacrifice to music. It’s an evening of over-achievers and under-achievers, and enough fun to make Tuesdays a night to idolize new American talent. See new and used comedians at 7 pm. At 9pm, you can see if the talented or struggling musicians have any strings attached to their career hopes. Feel free to show your public display of affection.
At the same time, the team will add a “Bobbleboob” night to its marketing ventures to draw both gay and straight fans to an evening of baseball to remember. Both lesbians and gay men will be invited to perform “public displays of affection” in the seats that are guaranteed to bring thousands of spectators that have never seen a “ball” game before. With the Mariners struggling in last place during a season when many predicted they would be fighting for their first-ever World Series, Mariners management is apparently ready to experiment with whatever will sell a ticket or a bottle of beer. “Given some of the decisions we’ve made in player personnel in the past few seasons,” Mariners President Howard Lincoln remarked, “we have to look at whatever we can do to increase our ERA (Earned Revenue Average).”
If a struggling baseball team is not your cup of tea, try a profile in courage in comedy or music. Every Tuesday evening a new face steps in front of the crowd at the Mainstage Comedy and Music Club to pitch a new joke, or make a sacrifice to music. It’s an evening of over-achievers and under-achievers, and enough fun to make Tuesdays a night to idolize new American talent. See new and used comedians at 7 pm. At 9pm, you can see if the talented or struggling musicians have any strings attached to their career hopes. Feel free to show your public display of affection.
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